It is never too late, for a new beginning.

Let's just be real for a minute, 2016 sucked...big time. I was so ready for the year to end, I couldn't stand it. I had high hopes that 2017 would be better. So far, that doesn't seem to be happening. My resolve to do more and do better dissolved into fear and pessimism as the new president proved to be as bad as expected. I had all of these New Years resolutions that just seemed so unimportant and self indulgent in the face of what was happening. But I made a promise to myself, and I plan on keeping it regardless.

Finding balance.

This year is all about finding balance in my life. I have always tended to be a person who binges and purges in life, not literally, but metaphorically. This type of lifestyle worked for me for quite awhile, but with a demanding job, two kids with special needs and a not always reliable husband, balance has become increasingly important.

Things really came to a head last year when I discovered in March that my daughter was having a lot of problems at school. I knew things weren't ideal and she was struggling a bit, but I was completely blindsided when we went in for conferences and her teacher went off about how awful she was. I was shocked! Not only that she didn't like my sweet girl, but that I was only finding out now how bad things were. As a teacher myself, I am aware of our responsibilities and the importance of parent teacher relationships. I became livid and went on a quest to help my child. I discovered that the issues I was experiencing were unfortunately indicative of a mismanaged special education system combined with poor communication. Because I am smart, a teacher and know how to work within systems, I was able to get the information I needed to help my child. Long story short, for believe me it was a saga, we got Juniper into a new school that better meets her needs. Life is so much better now. 

I felt really awful though, for a long time. I felt like I had let my daughter down. I have spent so much of my time worrying about my students, writing lesson plans, grading work and answering parent emails, I forgot to be a mom. If you think mom guilt is bad, the mom teacher guilt combination will cripple even the strongest of us. I decided I needed to find a teacher parent balance. Less time on teaching and more time on mothering, and maybe some "me" time? Is that even possible?

In order to find a balance and even maybe find some time for myself, I knew I needed a plan. I started with eliminating time wasters. This was surprisingly easy. Social media aka. Facebook was depressing, and I was using it less and less anyway. So it was the first to be downsized. Next, I eliminated stupid phone game, i.e. Candy Crush. What a stupid game that was literally stealing away precious hours from my life. Next to go, Cable. This was easy, plus it saved us money. Now I still go on Facebook, mostly to check out events in the area, and Candy Crush is still on my phone for those times when I need a brain break. I still have Netflix and Amazon Prime, so it's not like I put a stop to all the time waters, but I did cut way back and it has been great. I definitely have more time. 

My next big goal was to create more structure in my life. I have lots of structure in my classroom, why couldn't I transfer that to my home life? So the kids have theater and swimming every week, so that is where we started. I am sitting here next to the pool writing this while they enjoy their lessons. It gives me a little free time, plus it is super warm! I have a chiropractic appointment every week, and my bestie comes over to craft with me once a week. See that, me time is possible! We also started to meal plan. It doesn't always happen, but baby steps, we are getting there. I try to do a better job of walking the walk, meaning all those things I tell my students about time management, I need to do those things too. So far, so good.

My bid takeaway from all of this has been, slow down, reflect and choose the things in life that you think are important, and don't worry about what you think you should be doing. I have also done a better job of cutting myself some slack and not sweating the small stuff. I have always been somewhat go with the flow, but I am embracing that philosophy more and more. During my observation meeting with my boss I told him that I was caring less, he said he could tell, I seemed happier. You don't normally expect your boss to tell you it is good to care less, but in my case it was. I care less, which has given me so much more.

So life is still crazy, I'm still feeling helpless in our political climate, I still worry about my students and my own children, but a bit less. I feel like I have found a bit of balance, and it feels really nice.

Until next time.